Friday, August 20, 2010
These last couple of weeks have been a shift for me. For those who have forgotten, when you’re 19 you expect a lot out of life. You anticipate life happening all your way. You get to collage and expect to find good grades, great friends, an exciting new freedom, and then a perfect job. But how is it that we cannot expect. Throughout high school we were taught what to expect. All the graduation speeches were on how sparkly the world is and how many opportunities there are waiting for us. So we expected those opportunities. What they didn’t tell us to expect was that those opportunities weren’t in plain site. They were hidden. Hidden far behind all the failing and then growing up. Oh and lets just talk a little about the ‘growing up’. I was not warned at all on what that entailed when I signed up for it. Growing up used to sound so fun to me. Like a step by step process of getting happier and happier. I had no idea that every happy moment I got, would have to be earned by a few sad ones. You see what I’ve learned over the last few months is that sometimes life isn’t cut out for you. Sometimes you simply have to fall into a place that doesn’t seem to have any place for you at all. But it is in those times that you learn that life isn’t about you anymore. The reason that life feels so off to you is because you’re living in someone else’s. You’re living for some one else for a time. Although I understand that I still have so much I can learn for myself I’ve recently decided that sometimes it’s not so much about how I am progressing in my life but how those around me are progressing. What exactly can I teach someone or even how can I merely influence their emotions? I’ve only just decided that as much I pretend I can meet the expected criteria the world has for me, that I can’t. Not only can’t but that I won’t. I’ve never been one who lives by expectations. That is what I’ve learned this week. That I do not have to live by any expectations. Live each day by the knowledge you already have and then be open to any changes. The Lord has my plan ready for me so what’s the point in trying to write my own? Honestly? It just makes things so stressful. From now on each day is new and inspired. There are no predictions unless they are absolutely positive. I hope you don’t think this is an irresponsible way to think. But right now it’s my way of thinking. The lesson is to be humble.